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Review Archive
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    		•

    FILMS

    Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)
  • Starring Harrison Ford, Sean Connery, Denholm Elliott, Alison Doody, John Rhys-Davies, Julian Glover, River Phoenix

  • Directed by Steven Spielberg

    • Every scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade Just Plain Rocks. Questing for an ancient artifact, boat chases, harrowing escapes, infiltrating Nazi castles, double agents, Harrison Ford, Sean Connery. The heroes and villains and over-the-top action adventure comes straight out of a pulp-era adventure comic—with a bit more class than the pulps ever managed.

    I watched the first installment, Raiders of the Lost Ark, in what would eventually be the Indiana Jones trilogy (though the latest movie news seems to indicate that the character may come back for a fourth film) in the early '80s on my parents' top-loading Betamax. I must've watched it eight times that first day. To say I was a fan would be a gross understatement.

    The second one, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom is good but suffers from sequel-syndrome, riding on the coattails of its predecessor's superior story and likable hero. Last Crusade, however, is just as good as the first, if not better in some points. The rewatchability of this movie has been tried and tested and has been proven magnificent. Any day of the week, any month of the year, any mood I'm in, rain or shine, I can always put Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade in the VCR and thoroughly enjoy watching it. Every time, without fail.

    It's not that there's any underlying truth spoken or deep meaning found in the Jones films, they're just fun.

    To this day, possibly the best line ever spoken in cinema can be found in Last Crusade. Indy and his father are tied up in the Nazi castle and Henry Jones, Sr. (Connery) tries to use a lighter to burn the ropes holding him captive. He drops the lit Zippo which in turn ignites the rug. His line is, "Son, the floors on fire." But, in the able hands of an actor like Connery, it comes out as, "Shon, the floorsh on figh-yah."

    I owe thanks to my friend Jeff Pfaff for pointing out this particular line to me. I'd always considered this a funny line, but nothing special. Actually, if we're being completely honest here, I hadn't really considered it much at all, other than a mild chuckle—but after Jeff pointed it out to me, I went into a deep meditative state, fasting for days on end. During my trance I discovered that it is indeed, empirically speaking, absolutely funny. Usually humor is a subjective matter, but not in this case. Try it. Put on your Connery vocal chords, say, "Shon, the floorsh on figh-yah," and try not to laugh.

    Last Crusade pits Indiana Jones and his father against Nazi Germany in a race for the Holy Grail. But that's enough of the plot synopsis. Everyone who's over the age of 10 has seen this one. If you haven't ... well, that's pretty much inhuman. Consider yourself a lower lifeform, a second-class citizen, or cow-pooh until you do manage to "get around" to seeing this. You lazy sons of bitches. For those of you who have seen Last Crusade, you're all the epitome of gentlemen (or women, as the case may be) and scholars.

    My favorite scenes in this movie (aside from the the various ass-kicking scenes) are the ones where we learn a bit more about Indiana and his relationship (or lack thereof) with his father. Sure the movie is about immortality, finding the ultimate artifact, and beating up some Nazi bozos, but there's more here than that. I find that the personal touches in Last Crusade are nearly as compelling as the main quest plot—the story of a father and son gaining a mutual respect for the other's life is incredibly strong.

    Indy and his father are on the zeppelin, leaving Germany, and Henry Sr. is looking over his Grail diary. Indy broaches the subject of the last time they shared a quiet drink, he was drinking milk. There's a bit of a father/son argument here that is very telling about the characters, that Indiana isn't just an always-comes-out-on-top adventure hero, just as Henry Sr. isn't always the neglectful father.

    There's a similar moment, earlier on, when the Jones boys are sitting in the motorcycle and sidecar and they're heatedly discussing whether to travel to Berlin or Venice.

    Henry: The quest for the grail is not archeology, it's a race against evil. If it is captured by the Nazis the armies of darkness will march all over the face of the earth. Do you understand me?
    Indy: This is an obsession, Dad. I've never understood it. Never. Neither did Mom.
    Henry: Oh yes she did. Only too well. Unfortunately, she kept her illness from me. All I could do was mourn her.

    Sad, yet gives you a nice insight into the hero's mother. Growing up in the Jones household must've been a hard thing. A father who obsesses about people who've been dead for hundreds of years, and a mother who, presumably, died fairly young.

    And just because Connery quotes are so fun to type (not to mention speak) I'll leave you with this quote as another favorite.

    Col. Vogel: What does the diary tell you that it doesn't tell us?
    Henry: It tellsh me that goosh-shtepping moronsh like yourshelf should try reading booksh inshtead of bah-ning them.

    Very apropos for the idiots who think Harry Potter teaches children witchcraft.